


Dick Gets Adopted by the Joker (and it goes as well as you'd expect)

by zmzebra



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Dick Grayson is Not Robin, Dick Grayson is not adopted by Bruce, Dick Grayson is raised by the Joker, Gen, Other additional tags to be added later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-07 14:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zmzebra/pseuds/zmzebra
Summary: Any supervillain (or superhero) will be able to tell you about the importance of keeping to a theme. Aesthetic is key to getting your symbol across to your enemies.The Joker is very aware of this so when a lonely, vulnerable circus acrobat runs into him one night the circumstance is too good to pass up.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

It was a quiet night. Well, quiet for Gotham that is. Crime is a constant in the city, but at least there were no supervillains running amok. Or at least none causing trouble.

The Joker walked around the streets of Gotham. He had no plan, just get a feel of the new area he’s decided to place his hideout since escaping from Arkham. The Joker smiled as he thought of new and more outrageous plans to cause chaos and defeat Batman once and for all. He was so caught up in an idea of spraying Batman with a cloud of white makeup, that he didn’t hear the quick footsteps coming towards him.

A small body ran into his back with an “oof!”, knocking the Joker from his fantasies. He turned around to see who dared to run into the Joker, intending to teach them a lesson on looking where they were going, to see a small boy in a leotard with tears running down his ruddy face. 

“Now who are you supposed to be, kid?” he asked, looking up and down the boy’s outfit. The child wore a red leotard bound with a yellow waist with wings. On his feet were dirty, scuffed up slippers that looked like they were originally green.

The child stayed silent for a moment as he looked up in fear. “D-Dick Grayson, sir.”

The Joker frowned. “I didn’t ask for your name, kid. I asked what’s up with the costume.”

“I’m, I’m an acrobat,” said Dick. The Joker raised his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yes… I ran away from the circus after- after-”

Here’s where the Joker stopped listening. 

Originally, when he saw the costumed kiddo his first thought was to knock the kid around and then kill him if he was in the mood. Only if he felt like he could make a joke out of it, of course, because he isn’t evil. The news that he now has a lost circus acrobat on his hands changes everything, however. Easily modelable and capable children don’t just turn up on villains doorsteps everyday, ones that come with their own established theme even less so. And this kid just happened to fit the Joker’s. 

What’s a clown without his circus?

The kid could be useful one day and surely his self-proclaimed acrobatic skills could be useful in going up against the likes of Batman. This kid could prove his worth ten times over and all while keeping with the circus aesthetic Joker had going on. If not, well henchmen have to start somewhere, and it’s not like anyone will miss a body in Gotham.

Dick bursting out into tears shook the Joker out of his thoughts. No time like the present to take advantage of the emotionally compromised.

“There, there kiddo. Don’t cry,” the Joker bent down to comfort the shaking child, “Mr. Joker is here to make everything better.”

Dick continued to cry as the Joker held and spoke softly to him. After some time, his tears slowed to small hiccups before stopping.

“There we go. Feel better now?” Dick hummed, “Hey, kiddo, do you have someplace to go after this?”

Dick hesitated. He hadn’t thought this far ahead. It was just too much to stay in the tent where his family had… and he just had to get out. Running away forever hadn’t been the plan- he still loved the circus and the other performers like they were his family- but Gotham wasn’t like some of the other places he had visited before. Everything was dark and looked depressingly the same, so much so that Dick couldn’t say how to get back to the circus even if he wanted to.

The Joker continued to speak. “Because if you don’t, you can come back to my place. I’ve babysat my neighbors' kids before, and I think I have a room at my house you can stay in. Gotham can be a scary place at night.”

Dick looked away. He didn’t know this man, and everyone had always warned him about following strangers when the circus moved around.

“I mean, I completely understand if you do want to go back to the circus. I’m sure they might feel guilty at the sight of you, but I’m sure they still love you despite the reminders.”

Dick’s eyes widened.

“No matter what though, it’s important to follow your heart and go with your gut, regardless of the pain it might bring others,” Dick shook as his brain ran a mile a minute.

The Joker smiled. “If you want, I could take you back right now. I think I remember seeing a sign for it posted, even. Haly’s Circus, right? We can just stand up and walk-”

“No!” Dick yelled and leaped at the Joker, pulling him back down. The Joker contained a twitch.

“I’ll, I’ll go with you. I don’t want to go back to the circus. I want to go with you instead.”

The Joker’s smile widened. “Well, if you insist. I’m sure I can find space for you to stay.”

Dick nodded frantically, ignoring the feeling in his gut that something was terribly wrong. “Yes, please.”

His gut had been feeling terrible all day.

* * *

They entered a dark warehouse. Dick couldn’t believe it. He was starting to doubt his decision to go with Mr. Joker, but the idea of making his circus family feel even a fraction as horrible as he does now seems like an even worse option. And really, after tonight, what did he have to lose.

“Welcome to my home!” said the Joker with a flourish, “_ Esta casa es mi casa _ as they say.”

Dick wrinkled his nose. 

The Joker led the way to through the warehouse, speaking as if he was a real estate agent selling the place to any bum who would buy. “... And over there is the TV corner, a perfect place to relax and laugh at cartoons. Bathrooms, down those stairs, on the left…”

Eventually, the Joker came to a hallway full of doors. “Finally, here are the bedrooms. I’ve already laid claim to a couple of rooms for my own purposes, but you can choose from what’s still empty.”

He hopped over and knocked on two doors. Joker quickly opened and popped his head into both rooms before turning back out to face Dick. “Yup!” he said popping the ‘p’, “All clear!”

Dick slowly walked over to the first room and stuck his head in. An old table and cabinets covered in cobwebs made their home in a dim room with a flickering light. Holes riddled the walls. The second room wasn’t much better with its peeling wallpaper. It’s light stayed steady, however, and there weren’t any holes visible in the walls.

“I’ll pick this one,” said Dick, walking out and pointing at the second room.

The Joker nodded sagely. “A wise choice.”

“How about we watch some cartoons before bed?” asked the Joker, “I know some real rib crampers that run at this hour.”

Dick yawned. “... Or we can call it an early night and hit the hay. Tonight has been a busy night for you, huh?”

Dick frowned, but nodded. “Good night, Mr. Joker,” he mumbled before turning around and heading towards the room, or really his new bedroom.

“Good night, kiddo,” said the Joker with a wide grin.

Dick closed the door of his room and took a good look at his new “bedroom”. While it wouldn’t be the best place he’s ever slept, Dick had slept outside before so this couldn’t be that different. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about the rain in here. Sure, the room could use some work, but this wouldn’t be forever. Either Mr. Joker had plans to move to a better apartment, or Dick would be kicked to the curb come morning. Regardless, on the chance Mr. Joker decides to stay and not get rid of Dick, he would then have the time to clean the room up into a home. 

Dick looked at the ground and then at the table. He leaned on the table, hearing it creak, but otherwise stay sturdy. ‘Might as well stay above the floor, if possible,’ he thought to himself.

Hiking himself onto the tabletop to call it a night, Dick began to think about the man who took him in tonight. Mr. Joker didn’t seem like a bad person- not everyone would comfort a crying child and then offer said child a room in his home, no matter how weird the home was- but something just didn’t feel right about some of the things he said. Mr. Joker looked like one of the clowns back at the circus, but smiled differently. 

When Jojo and Lola and all the other clowns back at Haly’s Circus smiled at Dick, he could feel the warmth and the comfort they sent him. Mr. Joker was quite the opposite with a suspicious smile that tied Dick’s stomach into knots. No matter how high Mr. Joker’s smile went, it never seemed to reach his eyes like the clowns back home did.

‘A smile is just a smile,’ Dick told himself. Mr. Joker had yet to try and kidnap him or hurt him, and when looking around the warehouse, Dick didn’t see any signs of human trafficking. What kind of kidnapper lets their victim decide whether or not they want to come along? There weren’t even any vans with candy like some of the older circus kids liked to joke when the adults came around with their stranger danger spiel. 

In the end, Dick concluded that he was probably safe here with Mr. Joker. Maybe not as safe as he was in the circus, but safer than if he was in the streets of Gotham. And as Dick curled into himself, cold from the night making him shiver in his thin leotard and slippers, Mr. Joker probably wouldn’t mind if Dick slept with one eye open that night.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Dick woke up cold and disoriented. His bed back in the trailer was soft and warm, and his dad usually would have woken him up for practice by now. It was also too quiet. Dick couldn’t hear the ruckus of the circus animals outside, or even his mother humming to herself as she made breakfast. 

Dick opened his eyes to an unfamiliar, spotted ceiling before the events of the previous night hit him like an eighteen wheeler in a NASCAR race. The reality of his parents’ death and the loss of everything he’s ever known grew in Dick’s throat making it hard to breathe. Tears welled up behind his eyes as he choked. 

Curling even more into himself, Dick cried. He had been doing a lot of that in the past 24 hours, but who could blame him? An idyllic life taken away so cruelly and swiftly. Then, Dick had decided to abandon everything he has ever known and run away. 

It’s not like he wanted to ever leave the circus. Dick loved it there. The other circus performers and workers were his family. Being able to spend his days working on the trapeze, flipping with his family. Amazing crowds with their tricks. Performing amongst his loved ones brought Dick a special kind of joy. A kind of joy Dick wondered if he would ever feel again.

Could he ever be happy again after his parents’ death?

After some time, Dick ran out tears to cry and he only let out the occasional hiccup. He felt exhausted. A deep exhaustion that ran into his bones and strangled his heart. The idea of working up the energy to get up seemed like an impossible task. So Dick just turned over to his other side and went back to sleep.

* * *

The human body is an imperfect creation, and after putting it off for long past healthy, Dick was forced to get up and leave his room when the need to use the bathroom won out. The bathrooms were like the warehouse: falling apart, but usable. Afterwards, thinking he should probably go down and say thank you to the man who took Dick into his “home”, Dick headed to where Mr. Joker had pointed out the kitchen in the hope to catch him making breakfast.

Mr. Joker was found in the kitchen, sitting on the counter eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. Upon seeing the morose Dick, he lifted up his bowl. “Want some?”

Dick nodded, and watched as Mr. Joker got up, and filled a chipped bowl with some milk before pouring in the sugary cereal. He dropped in a spoon before handing it to Dick.

“Here ya go, kiddo,” Mr. Joker said. 

Dick replied with a quiet, “Thank you,” as he moved to hop onto the counter to join Mr. Joker on the counter.

The Joker watched as Dick slowly ate his cereal. 

“Thanks for the breakfast, mister,” Dick eventually said.

“You’re welcome, kiddo, but it’s actually past lunchtime,” Dick gave the Joker a shocked look, “I just like to eat breakfast food for lunch.”

Dick looked back at his cereal and began to stir it around. “I hadn’t realized I was in bed for so long.” 

“It’s alright,” the Joker said, “You’ve had a rough night.” 

The Joker observed Dick’s still rather ruddy face and red eyes. He would have to get that kid smiling soon, but he was a reasonable man. The kid could have another day to mourn. Tomorrow, though, that frowning thing would have to stop. Same with all that loud crying. He wasn’t here to be the kid’s therapist. Bad things happen. Life goes on. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be able to look back on the moment and laugh.

Tomorrow, the Joker planned to start working on molding the kid into the perfect sidekick. One any clown could be proud of. And the sad clown routine doesn’t look good on kids, only middle-aged to old men. A little Joker Junior is what he needs. Hopefully the kid can meet the expectations and prove his worth, then maybe. Maybe the kid will be able to become the Joker’s protege and continue his legacy of laughs.

Either way, the kid would need to get over his tears. Then, the training could begin. For now, though, the Joker just needed to gain the kid’s trust.

“Hey, kiddo, want to go eat in front of the TV? I think _ Stem and Remy _ is playing on Dimeodeon right now,” kids liked cartoons right? He certainly did.

The kid paused, before nodding and giving a noise of approval. He put the bowl down before hopping down, retrieving his cereal, and waiting for the Joker to lead the way. 

Well, it was a start. 

* * *

By the time the kid was heading back to bed, the Joker had gotten a decent amount of trust from the child. He had caught the kid at the perfect time. Right when he was vulnerable, but just before the kid started to create emotional barriers against the world. The Joker had slipped in and now he was in a prime position to shape the kid’s worldview. He would just have to be careful how he went about it. Nobody appreciates being told what to do, so the Joker would have to be sneaky about this. Make the kid think he came to these conclusions on his own. 

A naive kid like him probably already had a pretty good moral code in place. The Joker’s job in order to gain compliance in his villainy plans was to make the kid think what he was doing was right. It might take a longer time to get the kid to agree to some of the Joker’s more outlandish plans, but lots of robberies could be framed as an attack on the upper class that lived in Gotham. After the kid gets a taste, the Joker could move into getting the kid more addicted to the thrill of crime and get him involved in less easy to square away crimes. The more chaotic plans involving punchlines and Joker venom. If all goes well, the kid might even dive head first into the world of villainy.

**Step 1.** Plant seeds of distrust in the legal system.

**Step 2. **Show the darker side of Gotham. 

**Step 3.** Vilify Batman and his one man crusade.

**Step 4. **Introduce the Joker and his role in this game.

**Step 5.** Convince the kid to join as the Joker’s sidekick.

All the while painting the Joker as some kind of heavenly savior for the boy. The man who saved the kid from a life of misery on the Gotham streets. The perfect plan for a perfect plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing outline after outline of story ideas about Dick, I actually started writing down a story for one of them. Right now I have most of the next chapter written along with a rough outline of the type of things I want to include chapter-wise. Hopefully, the inspiration will stick around.
> 
> I just really like the idea of the Joker commandeering Robin from Batman because circus acrobats are his thing instead of Batman's. If Batman wanted a correctly themed sidekick, he should start looking in caves for orphaned spelunkers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Joker's plan begins to spin into motion.

The next day went by pretty similar to the first. Dick woke up. Moped around in bed for a bit. Eventually left his room. Ate breakfast with Mr. Joker. Except today, instead of simply watching cartoons, Mr. Joker made a point of stopping Dick before they went to the TV, and asking him to smile. 

“You may not feel happy now, but if you keep on smiling maybe someday you’ll feel as happy as you look,” he had explained, “How we present ourselves can affect how we feel on the inside.”

Dick didn’t really get it, but if there was a chance he could feel something other than the numbing guilt of living, he might as well try it. Mr. Joker had been so kind to him these past few days, it would be rude to disregard one of his requests.

So even if he didn’t feel like it, Dick started working on remembering to smile. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes Mr. Joker would stop what they were doing to remind him when Dick started to feel depressed, but when Mr. Joker complimented him on his smile, Dick couldn’t stop feeling a spark of pride. Is this real happiness? Or is it just a band-aid? Who’s to say.

Not only that, but Dick and Mr. Joker’s conversations had seemed to change tone. In the beginning, they were light-hearted conversations about nothing really in particular. What do you want to eat, thoughts on the TV show, and jokes. Now, however, the topics seemed to take a more serious turn.

Topics about the dangers in Gotham, and the incompetence of the police to stop it. How the police force was corrupt and would protect criminals with the cash to pay. The crime that just got kicked under the rug because the police didn’t want to stick their nose in trouble. Mr. Joker would never talk about it directly, but Dick picked up little things as Mr. Joker would talk about one thing or another. 

Things like “Both Missy and cops don’t mind looking the other way if the cash is pretty,” and how “Lyle swept all his junk under the rug just like the GCPD does with crime,” were some of the kind of comments Mr. Joker began to make as they watched cartoons together.

After about a week of that, Mr. Joker was looking at the kitchen cabinets when he remarked that he would have to go shopping soon, and asked if Dick would like to join him. Dick was a little confused, but blushed when Mr. Joker mentioned they could get Dick some new clothes when they went out. Dick had been so out of it since he ran away, he hadn’t noticed he hadn’t changed out of his now dirty uniform. 

“Remember to smile!” Mr. Joker had told him, as Dick started to remember that night. It was difficult, but Dick had a promise to keep. 

So that day, Dick wearing one of Mr. Joker’s jackets, left the warehouse for the first time in over a week. Mr. Joker had even appeared to have taken off his clown make-up, revealing the man underneath for the first time to Dick. It was amazing what a little make-up could do. 

Together they went to a second-hand clothing shop to pick up some casual clothes for Dick to wear. They left with some colorful shirts, pants, and a pair of bright firetruck red sneakers. Dick changed into one of the outfits in the bathroom after they paid. He frowned as he put his folded up uniform in the bag, taking a moment to remember that night. 

Nightmares of the event still haunted Dick in his sleep, but he had given up seeking comfort after trying to go to Mr. Joker after a particularly bad one and finding the door locked.

Once Dick felt like he could put on a fake smile, he took a deep breath and walked out of the stall to join Mr. Joker outside. 

Grocery shopping went off without a hitch, until they were on their way back to the warehouse. Gunshots rang out from a nearby alley, causing Dick to jump and nearly drop the bags of cereal he had been holding. Mr. Joker merely hurried him along with a rushed, “that’s Gotham for ya.”

Dick wished the circus had never stopped in Gotham. What good could be found in dark city like it? Crime is bad. Cops are bad. Everything in Gotham is bad. 

This thought ran on repeat in Dick’s head as he would lay awake at night in his room. 

Throughout the coming days, they continued their routine with an occasional outing into the streets of Gotham. Without fail, at least one crime of varying severity would occur while they were out. All this did was make Dick more depressed at how hopeless everything was.

One day, however, Dick overheard a passing conversation between two ladies talking on their front steps. They spoke about how one of them had a recent encounter with Batman, when he saved her from a mugging gone south the other day. 

This struck Dick’s interest. A hero who fought crime when the cops wouldn’t? Dick had to know more. 

So Dick asked Mr. Joker all he knew about Batman when they had sat down to eat dinner that night.

“Mr. Joker,” Dick had asked, “Do you know who Batman is?”

Mr. Joker smiled. “Why, he’s Gotham’s own bat vigilante,” he explained, “A man with a mournful mission to fight crime in the street.”

“Is he good?”

Mr. Joker tilted his head. “Good is a complicated word. Yes, Batsy might fight crime, but he just as messed up in the head as all the bad guys he fights every night.

“Crime fighting is like therapy for him. Fitting with his whole ‘I am the night’ shtick.”

Dick thought this over.

“Does Batman help people?” Dick asked. Superheroes most importantly helped people, right?

“Sure,” Mr. Joker replied, “Almost enough to make him feel better about the ones he can’t save. But it never is enough for him.”

Mr. Joker smiled. “It’s like an addiction to him. He just can’t get enough of punching in faces and getting off on rooftop brooding.”

Dick started grasping for straws.

“What does he look like,” he asked. Surely, Batman at least looked like a superhero. Gotham needed some sort of light to shine in the ever pressing darkness. It needed it.

“All black outfit,” described Mr. Joker, waving his arms around, “Black cape, black gloves, black suit, and a black cowl that covers almost his entire face and has two pointed ears, like devil horns.”

Dick’s hope of some brightness in the swirling void that was Gotham died.

Mr. Joker looked at Dick’s fallen eyes and gave him a wide smile. “Does that answer your question?”

* * *

Dick’s belief in the inherent goodness in humanity started to be whittled away a bit more each day. No one seemed to care about each other in Gotham like they did in the circus. Love for my fellow man my butt! People in Gotham seemed to care only for themselves. 

The only kind person Dick had met since coming here had been Mr. Joker.

Mr. Joker, the clown who looked like the ones back home. A man who took in Dick from the goodness of his own heart and not only gave Dick his own room, fed, and clothed him, but also spent time with Dick and didn’t throw him to the streets the first chance he got. 

Mr. Joker, the brightest thing Dick had in Gotham

His only piece of light in the abyss that was Gotham City. A city where everyone was out to get you, even the people you thought you could trust. A city so bleak, even the sun couldn’t reach the ground. A city that ate up colorful little boys and spat out gray adults.

A city that killed his parents.

Eventually, Dick broke his smiling charade and told Mr. Joker his thoughts. 

“It all seems so hopeless in Gotham! Everything is so dark- even its heroes never leave the shadows!”

All Mr. Joker did was smile. 

Dick started to plead. “Please, tell me there’s something, some_ one _ , _ anyone _ bright in Gotham. Anything has to be better than this.”

Mr. Joker placed his hand on Dick shoulder, and got down on one knee to be at eye level with the boy.

“Well, Dick, I actually know of one colorful person in Gotham,” he said conspiringly, “Can you keep a secret?”

Dick nodded frantically, worries forgotten. “Before I decided to take you under my care, I used to go out into Gotham under the name the Joker. My mission was to bring color into the gray Gotham, and make people laugh.”

Dick’s jaw dropped. “Were, were you a superhero?”

Mr. Joker chuckled. “I wouldn’t go that far. See, Gotham is the kind of place that has had plenty of chances to fix itself. No matter what Batman might want to believe, Gotham’s beyond being fixed. Its people are too.”

Dick looked away.

“What I do is bring in a little chaos into people’s lives. It’s not perfect, and it’s not ‘heroic’, but every plan, every plot, every mission brings a bit of color into Gotham.”

Mr. Joker gently grabbed Dick’s chin and pointed it so he could look directly into Dick’s eyes. “And I would be hard pressed to find Batsy trying to do something like that.”

Mr. Joker let go of Dick before standing up and patting him on the shoulder. “I hope that doesn’t change your opinion of me. I understand if you want to go somewhere else,” Mr. Joker moved to leave the room, but paused at the door frame, looking back at Dick, “But know, my door is always open if you decide you want to come back.”

The door quietly clicked behind him.

Dick sat down in one of the chairs scattered in the room, and leaned back, thinking about what he’s just learned. 

Should he leave? Mr. Joker had all but admitted he used to be a supervillain at worse, and a public nuisance at best. Not exactly the ideal choice of guardian. But where would he go? Gotham’s streets were dangerous enough when he was with Mr. Joker, but alone? He would die, or worse in record time. And the chances he would find another adult willing to take him in are basically none, especially based on how everyone seems to act in Gotham.

But would it be more dangerous if Dick did decide to stay with Mr. Joker? To be honest, Dick didn’t know the man_ that _ well. Conversations were always surface level, and he had only known the man for a few weeks. It would be hard to say if Mr. Joker really was a good man despite it all. 

But maybe. Maybe Mr. Joker isn’t really all that bad. Or at least in comparison to the rest of Gotham. Which while is a low bar, is still a bar. 

Gotham needs some source of light, and if Mr. Joker has to pick up Batman’s slack, so be it. If Mr. Joker says Gotham is a lost cause, it must be. Only, a lost cause of a city would have a depressed maniac vigilante as its protector.

Yes. Mr. Joker was right. The only thing he could do now is try and bring a little bit of color into the Gothamites’ lives. Even if they got hurt. They wouldn’t be the first person to get hurt by the city nor the last.

And maybe? Maybe Mr. Joker could use some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird verb tenses in this chapter. I mostly just want to finish setting up things so I can get to the juicy bits of the story, and also not pace the story too slowly. I might take a little bit longer to publish the next chapter since I don't have much written beyond an outline and finals are coming around soon to beat me with a crowbar.
> 
> Next chapter, will show Dick getting trained by the Joker in the art of clown crime, and maybe even a peek at the elusive bat.
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving kudos/comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training seems like a good first step to beginning a life of crime.

One fun fact about the Joker is that he is not a good teacher. 

One fun fact about Dick Grayson is that he is an excellent student.

Together, this creates a just functioning teacher-student relationship.

“Now jump, turn, block my fist, and then- if you have time- make a funny face at them,” said the Joker, “It’s important to mock your opponent while fighting them to hurt their ego, but it’s equally important to not get cocky while doing so. Batman is always ready to exploit any chance he gets.”

Dick nodded as he bounced on the balls of his feet. “Dodge, block, mock- got it!” he said before the Joker immediately started to attack him. Dick executed it perfectly.

“Not too shabby, kid. Soon I’ll have to get a hold of one of my henchmen so you can practice your attacks, too.”

Dick’s smile brightened at the Joker’s words. 

“I’m going to take five, kid,” the Joker said, ruffling the kid’s hair, “Keep practicing your acrobatic moves- never know when they might be useful in a fight.”

Dick nodded and got right to work while the Joker sat down to drink some water. The kid had been coming along better than the Joker had ever hoped for. He learned fast, was quick on his feet, but most importantly had this spark in his eyes that the Joker saw whenever they practiced. The Joker looked forward to fanning the flame as time went on. Soon that spark would turn into an unquenchable fire that the kid would continue to fuel himself in the heat of a fight. Adrenaline was a powerful drug. One that the Joker planned to get the kid addicted to ASAP.

The Joker grabbed one of his burner phones out of a hanging suit jacket. Flipping it open, he began to dial a phone number. It rang.

“Hi~ Joker here with an offer you can’t refuse! How would you like to be America’s Next Top Punching Bag?”

It’s never too early to get a kid started on learning how to fight back.

The next day, one of the Joker’s oldest henchmen, Chino, came to the warehouse. The Joker led Chino to the center of the warehouse where Dick was already up and stretching. Dick jumped up at the sight of them.

“Oh!” he said, “I didn’t realize when you said ‘soon’ you meant today.”

The Joker smiled. “Well, there’s no time like the present. I think you’re ready for your next step towards joining the cause.”

Dick grinned and stood up straight. 

Joker put a hand on his henchman’s shoulder. “Chino here is one of my best, and most loyal fighters,” any henchmen that stuck around as long as Chino had would have to be good, “and he’s going to teach you the in’s and out’s of taking out your opponent.”

Chino gave his head a nod.

Feeling like his work here was done, the Joker retracted his hand and set off to the stairs of the warehouse. “I’ll let you two get to it.”

While Chino began explaining the basics, Joker watched from above. The kid had the potential to get good fast, and Joker didn’t want to be caught on the wrong side of his fist. That’s the kind of thing expected when teaching, but the Joker didn’t want the kid going into their partnership with the idea that he could ever beat the Joker in a fight. Joker needed to make sure the kid understood where he stood in this relationship. Joker was in charge- the kid was just his sidekick and needed to be aware the Joker had the power to end him at any moment if need be.

Beyond that, however, the Joker could see himself getting along with the kid. He was spunky, determined, and cheerful to a fault. If the Joker hadn’t known better, he would have said that kid had never had anything bad ever happen to him. The Joker did know better though, and in a way, the fact the kid still appeared cheerful despite everything, is probably for the best in this kind of work. Life isn’t going to pull any punches on this kid from now on, but as long as he can at least look happy, he’ll fit right in. Can’t fight Batman with the Joker if you look depressed. Someone might get confused and think you’re on Batman’s side.

A raspberry was blown by Dick as he sidestepped Chino’s fist before backflipping away. Dick smirked as he stuck the landing before rushing in again to try and make contact. Chino saw through his moves and flipped Dick over his shoulder and onto the ground. 

The Joker grinned. The kid still had a long way to go, but he was showing good qualities of a Joker protege. If the Joker ever dies, he doesn’t think he’ll mind if the kid carries on his legacy. If he dies.

As the Joker watches the kid learn how to fight, he begins to think of all the ways he’ll be able to use the kid for advantage against Batman. For starters, would Batman be able to push away the moral repercussions of punching a small child?

Probably.

He is Batman.

But even beyond the obstacle of being able to punch a child much smaller than you and still calling yourself a hero when you go to sleep in the morning, the kid has the advantage of being a very small, fast-moving target. Batman will need to work extra hard on concentrating hard enough to hit him; a task much harder when you add the Joker with a giant hammer into the mix. 

The kid is also so small, he’ll be able to do tasks and sneak into places both the Joker and Batman are too big to fit in. Sneaking around in air ducts and eavesdropping behind boxes will need to be added to the kid’s skill set. Due to the kid’s unique position of looking like every other street kid, he’ll make a wonderful spy for the Joker’s side. The Joker makes a mental note to add so-called ‘ninja skills’ to the kid’s repertoire. 

“Gotcha!” screams Dick as he makes contact with Chino’s gut. 

“How’s that feel, huh?” he taunts as he dodges Chino’s counter-attack. 

“Whoops! Missed me!”

From above, the Joker grins widely. This is going to be fun.

* * *

It had been almost five months of intense training before the Joker decided that the kid was ready for the big leagues. While Dick practiced, the Joker sat and observed as he ate popcorn and came up with his next villainous plan. 

For once, caution was key since the Joker wasn’t the kind of man to put months of time and energy into training his new protege just for the squirt to get arrested by Batman on his first mission.

(For the record, the Joker is that kind of man, but is also an inconsistent type of man who doesn’t let past and future decisions decide what he does next.)

So in order to help the kid know what he’s getting into before getting thrown to the bat, the Joker created another five-step plan:

**Step 1:** Let the kid help to set up a trap for the Bat, so he knows that every perfect plan requires set-up.

**Step 2:** Have the kid hide in the rafters and observe the way Batman ticks.

**Step 3:** Surprise attack Batman to catch him off guard with a small, hyper capable child soldier.

**Step 4: **???

**Step 5:** PROFIT!

This is why the kid stood next to the Joker as he directed henchmen around to create the perfect trap. After two years of dealing with the Bat, he’s learned that it’s better to lay out the trap before you do the crime on the chance Batman becomes wise to his hideout way too quickly. It’s embarrassing for everyone when Batman walks in on a half-finished trap. The last time it happened, the Joker had almost been ready to turn himself in without a fight when Batman walked in on his henchmen tying ropes and a still wet “X” on the floor. Almost.

So while some henchmen laid out a trap for Batman, the Joker went over the plan one last time with his hardier grunts and the kid. It would just be a simple auction raid of the Gotham elite. The Joker would go in with his henchmen and the kid would watch from the skylight over the ballroom to keep an eye from the sky (in case Batman decides to break through the ceiling), and to also observe both the Joker and Batman in action if it came to that.

With the plan reviewed and the traps set, the Joker shooed away his henchmen, leaving himself and the kid alone.

“Hey, kid. I have something I want to show you before we go out,” said the Joker softly. Dick looked up at the Joker and nodded.

Smiling, the Joker stuck a hand on Dick’s shoulder and led him into the adjacent room. Inside, a brightly colored costume hung on the opposing wall. Dick’s eyes lit up.

“Wow, did you get this just for me?” Dick asked as he ran over to touch it.

“Had it ordered especially for you,” the Joker responded with a smile, “Try it on and see how it fits.” The Joker turned around as Dick changed.

“You can turn around now,” said Dick as he stood up straight. He wore green shorts like a 20th century schoolboy and bright yellow suspenders. Underneath, Dick had a red, long-sleeved shirt with three green, large, pom-pom like buttons. A white frilly collar went around his neck and two poofy bracelets around his wrists. White stockings covered his legs under the shorts and ended with two red pixie boots.

Black gloved hands held a red and green jester’s hat. “What do you think?” asked Dick.

“You look like a true performer. All you need is that hat to complete the look.”

Dick fiddled with one of the yellow pom-poms hanging off the arms of the hat before putting it on his head. “If you say so.”

The Joker clapped his hands together. “Perfect! Only one last step before your big debut: Make-up.” the Joker slipped out a compact and a brush as he spoke.

Dick smiled and bounced over to the Joker who decided to take a seat by the wall. “Now close your eyes and stand still.” 

Dick tapped his foot as the Joker brushed a layer of white clown makeup onto his face. He tried to hold back giggles as the brush tickled his nose.

Eventually, the Joker leaned back in satisfaction. “And finito! You are now a clown.”

Dick cheered. The Joker smiled. “I think you are finally ready, but first I have one last thing to give you,” he reached into his jacket and pulled out a black domino mask shaped like the ace of spades, “This mask will help to hide your identity from the public.”

Dick took the mask from Joker and looked up at him. “That way the police won’t recognize me on the streets, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Then why don’t you wear one?”

The Joker laughed. “Haha! Kid, when you have a face like mine, you don’t even bother. Besides, when it comes to me, the police don’t hold much of a danger.”

Dick nodded as if to say ‘of course they wouldn’t,’ and stuck the mask onto his now pale face. He looked back up at the Joker with a strong look in his eyes.

“Are you ready, kid?”

“I was born ready.”

The Joker gave a big grin.

“Then from this day forward, you are now the Jester. Sidekick to the Joker, and partner in crime in all sorts of tomfoolery and japes.

“Welcome aboard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about taking so long to update, guys. School plus not knowing how write villainy schemes all worked together to delay me from finishing. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to come out.
> 
> Let me know what you think of Dick's new costume. I took some inspiration from the Jokers, Harley's, and Joker Jr's costumes in the animated series when designing it, but I'm not 100 percent sold on it yet.
> 
> Also, thank you to all the people who have commented on the story so far. It has really helped to inspire me to keep going and continue to work on this story, even when I felt like giving up.


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